Not so long ago, I wrote a post about how healing is a haphazard process. At the end of it was this part about healing happening outside of isolation. But what I forgot to mention then is that healing is a lonely process.
Doing shadow work is not the same as recovering from a bad romantic breakup – you can gather pals and wine for this. Nor is it like a fad, a Kpop bae or a new pair of jeans you can gush over with your colleagues.
There is no one to turn to but yourself. Of course, there are teachers you can learn from and check in with from time to time. At the end of the day however, the cords do need to be cut. (In real world terms: Adults can’t possibly still rely on their university lecturer for notes to deal with workplace issues, right?) You need to find your own way, be led by your innate intelligence. Because your journey is unique to you.
Am I a weirdo for doing this?
Years ago when I started trodding this path, I kept this part of myself private, except to my husband. I didn’t quite know how to explain to the people I grew up with why I was breaking down in front of psychics and how Reiki works without sounding like a new age fanatic caught up in some witchy fad. I didn’t know who to share my excitement with when opening the Rider-Waite and Fountain Tarot decks for the first time gave me goosebumps all over my body. And when I was going to the yoga studio 4-5 times a week, talking about it made me sound like a showoff. ‘Of course she has the time, she’s so lucky to be her own boss!”
It’s all fine though. I could feel the shifts happening inside. I was elated that what used to weigh me down no longer had that power over me. It was hard earned progress, and I take a lot of credit for how far I’ve come.
So if I’m a lunatic for pouring effort into living a more peaceful, contented life and making more heart-based decisions, I’ll take it.
The challenge of owning your path
But like a butterfly that emerges from its chrysalis, at some point I could no longer deny that I have changed on so many levels (and well, talk about it). Sometime last year, I started openly sharing more about my spiritual learnings, and my super geeky interest in woo woo stuff. Some things resonated with friends; others didn’t – that’s completely normal. But I was worried (still am honestly) about alienating friends and loved ones – people I’ve known for a long time and who keep me grounded when my head is in the clouds.
“You are obligated, mandated to liberate yourself. If people are uncomfortable, that’s not your problem,” said psychic coach Lynda Woolf – she’s never one to mince her words. Since the very first time I met her, she has been firm in her assessment that my life purpose will be to communicate (or in her words, “tell people what to do”, LOL) such that they can change their lives.
That explains why writing is my main source of income. It’s also probably why I started the @icedmimnttea_ Instagram page for sharing my life beliefs and began offering Tarot readings.
And for the first time recently, I sent an intention to the universe to help release all people, places, things and situations that do not serve my highest good. It was drastic in hindsight, but necessary for evolution to happen. I also thank the heavens for having sent me new and long-lost friends who have become closer because of our shared interests.
My ego is on edge here. We’ve all seen the stereotypical satirical portrayals of Tarot readers and energy healers on popular media. To some extent, I have been worried about coming off like THAT. What I’d like to assure everyone is, the best healers and readers I know are grounded, funny, intelligent and very capable of functioning in the real world. They are my ultimate role models.
Will you be strong?
If you’ve started taking conscious steps to heal yourself, soothe your inner child, know that I empathise with all of your pain, discomfort, embarrassment and joy.
I also deeply empathise with the loneliness of this journey – but it really is the only way to know who you are truly and deeply.
In this lifelong process, everything may not all come together at once, but the baby steps will add up to something monumental in the long run.
And if you ever need a listening ear, just drop me a note on email or Instagram. I’ll be happy to chat.